I've been thinking. What about, you ask? About the muffin man. Yeah, yeah, the one that lives on drury lane.
WHY do adults teach us songs about the address of a grown man that hands out free treats? Next thing you know kids are going to go around chanting, "There's a man in a Windowless van, and he'll let you pet his....dog! You must be shorter than four feet and a quarter....Hey! Don't be a candy hog!"
I can never look at The Muffin Man in the same light again.
Hehe, I just made that up on the spot! That's pretty good.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Facebook Stupidity
To fully understand the direction I'm going to take with this segment of "Facebook Stupidity" you must go to the YouTube and look up "Kid Remix." If you have any sense of good American culture, it's by the same people that do Kid Histories. Thank you, now here we go.
People who take photos of themselves in their bathroom mirror then post said picture on Facebook.
Really? You're in, like, a tank top with your muffin tops hanging out over your jeggings making a seductive face into your BATHROOM mirror? No, that's not attractive! The toilet keeps drawing my attention. Why is there a pink shag carpet on it? Why are you taking a picture of yourself? Don't you have someone to take a picture for you? We can see your phone in the mirror's reflection! Why was your bathroom your first venue of choice? "Hey, did you see my bathroom? Isn't it cool? Isn't it cool how I showed it to you?"
NO! ....I'm scarred for life.
People who take photos of themselves in their bathroom mirror then post said picture on Facebook.
Really? You're in, like, a tank top with your muffin tops hanging out over your jeggings making a seductive face into your BATHROOM mirror? No, that's not attractive! The toilet keeps drawing my attention. Why is there a pink shag carpet on it? Why are you taking a picture of yourself? Don't you have someone to take a picture for you? We can see your phone in the mirror's reflection! Why was your bathroom your first venue of choice? "Hey, did you see my bathroom? Isn't it cool? Isn't it cool how I showed it to you?"
NO! ....I'm scarred for life.
Sarcastic Complaining
Ok, we get it. We're picking up on your "subtle" sarcasm in that post. I just have one thing to say to that....
Knock it off. That's MY thing.
Knock it off. That's MY thing.
What's Your Pet Peeve?
Thank you, Celeste, for getting back to me.
You and I share a common pet peeve. Chronically and unneedfully depressed status updates.
Look around you! The world is full of possibility! It's ok to be a little sad now and then, but your life can't be that bad! Oh, did you stub your toe? Did your mommy take away your phone? Do you THINK the world hates you?
News flash, it'd probably because you're the most depressing person anyone knows. Two words: COWBOY UP. Stop dragging your feet. Stop looking for the bad. For goodness' sake, look for the GOOD in your life!
And, I've heard quite too much from you already so, if you're depressed, tell it to your journal. If you finally find happiness, I hope your first thought is not "I've gotta put this on Facebook!" It's just a sad narrative about the world today.
And that makes me depressed.
What's your pet peeve? Tell me and if I agree, I'll complain about it, too.
You and I share a common pet peeve. Chronically and unneedfully depressed status updates.
Look around you! The world is full of possibility! It's ok to be a little sad now and then, but your life can't be that bad! Oh, did you stub your toe? Did your mommy take away your phone? Do you THINK the world hates you?
News flash, it'd probably because you're the most depressing person anyone knows. Two words: COWBOY UP. Stop dragging your feet. Stop looking for the bad. For goodness' sake, look for the GOOD in your life!
And, I've heard quite too much from you already so, if you're depressed, tell it to your journal. If you finally find happiness, I hope your first thought is not "I've gotta put this on Facebook!" It's just a sad narrative about the world today.
And that makes me depressed.
What's your pet peeve? Tell me and if I agree, I'll complain about it, too.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Boredom=Epicness....Sometimes
Ninety percent of my life is spent in boredom. Seventy three percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. Still, I think that's about right. What am I supposed to do with all that boredom?
Oh, I know. I'll make a blog that complains about all the stupid stuff in life.
...Maybe this one doesn't quite fall into the "epic" category.
Oh, I know. I'll make a blog that complains about all the stupid stuff in life.
...Maybe this one doesn't quite fall into the "epic" category.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Facebook Stupidity
Possibly the most annoying thing on Facebook?
No, seriously, I'm asking you. What do you think is the most annoying thing on Facebook. Make me laugh, people. That's the point.
No, seriously, I'm asking you. What do you think is the most annoying thing on Facebook. Make me laugh, people. That's the point.
Facebook....Did something right?
Did you know Facebook had video messaging? Hmm, I didn't.
Never thought I'd say this Facebook, but ...good job.
Never thought I'd say this Facebook, but ...good job.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Hackers
Really? You have nothing better to do than hack my email? That's how you get your kicks, is it?
Look outside. There's a whole world out there. Who knows? Maybe if you peeled ourself away from your porn, took a shower, ate something with less grease, and brushed your teeth you may be accepted into society. MAYBE.
Look outside. There's a whole world out there. Who knows? Maybe if you peeled ourself away from your porn, took a shower, ate something with less grease, and brushed your teeth you may be accepted into society. MAYBE.
Facebook Stupidity
Seriously, what do people actually DO on Facebook anyway? I get on there, check my notifactions, see what people said in the news feed (always looking for something to make fun of on Facebook), maybe chat with a friend or turn chat off so you don't have to chat with that one annoying person that always chats with you but really has nothing to say, then...what? WHAT do you do after that? Play some game? That's what life has come to? Maybe take one of those really stupid quizes? Yeah, sure, OR you could study for the actual quiz you're going to have in school tomorrow. You know, the one that actually matters? People spend SO much time on Facebook, but what are they actually doing?
Oh questions that will never be answered.
Oh questions that will never be answered.
Inside Jokes
Oh what? You think you're all that because you have an inside joke? Because no one knows what you're talking about? You think I'm jealous?
....You're right.
....You're right.
Facebook Stupidity
You know those annoying copy and paste things? You know what I'm talking about. Why do they always tell you "No cheating!!!!!" For the love, do you really need so many exclamation points? I get it, you're really serious about it.
To you, I have two things to say. First, if your copy and paste thing is lucky enough to be meet my quota of funny and actually gets reposted on my sacred status then I probably am going to cheat. It's gotta be funny. Second, don't tell me what to do! Exclamation point exclamation point exclamation point.
To you, I have two things to say. First, if your copy and paste thing is lucky enough to be meet my quota of funny and actually gets reposted on my sacred status then I probably am going to cheat. It's gotta be funny. Second, don't tell me what to do! Exclamation point exclamation point exclamation point.
Commercialism Stupidity
Oh how teenagers love their crazes. I'll tell you why they're called crazes. ...Because the people that follow crazes are freaking CRAZY.
In this absolutely insane world good music loses it's luster, serious Presidential candidates are set aside because they may look like Tina Fey, and, for goodness sake, WHAT is the point of jeggings? Wear skinny jeans if you want to look like a chicken. At least those have real pockets.
I'll never get.
In this absolutely insane world good music loses it's luster, serious Presidential candidates are set aside because they may look like Tina Fey, and, for goodness sake, WHAT is the point of jeggings? Wear skinny jeans if you want to look like a chicken. At least those have real pockets.
I'll never get.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Facebook Stupidity
Dear People Who Write Letters To Facebook,
It isn't going to write back.
Love,
Rolling My Eyes In Your General Direction
It isn't going to write back.
Love,
Rolling My Eyes In Your General Direction
Facebook Stupidity
An Ode to "Like"
Do you like to like?
Facebook likes
to make you like
liking.
Press the button
And special things happen.
Oh, wait.
No,
They don't.
But, still, I like
To like
Liking. It's, like,
Really likable.
After a while, though,
The word "like"
Begins to sound wierd.
Still, I like it.
Do you like to like?
Facebook likes
to make you like
liking.
Press the button
And special things happen.
Oh, wait.
No,
They don't.
But, still, I like
To like
Liking. It's, like,
Really likable.
After a while, though,
The word "like"
Begins to sound wierd.
Still, I like it.
Facebook Stupidity
Ok people, calm down. Facebook changed. I don't need to know if you like it or not. Keep your negativity to yourself.
And I swear, if someone else asks me to copy and paste one more complaint about it I'll.... I'll.... Do something they don't want me to do.
Yeah, that's right. I'm tough. Grrr...
And I swear, if someone else asks me to copy and paste one more complaint about it I'll.... I'll.... Do something they don't want me to do.
Yeah, that's right. I'm tough. Grrr...
Teenage Stupidity
The Emoticon. What a stupid thing. If you can't say what you need to say using words, why don't we just type a little picture? How freaking lazy.
"Teacher, why do I have to learn how to write? I already know how to text!"
"Yeah, Teacher. I can update my status on Facebook. What more do I need to know?"
HA! His Facebook status probably says something like "I luv fridays :)"
....Does that even count as a punctuation? Oh, brother.
"Teacher, why do I have to learn how to write? I already know how to text!"
"Yeah, Teacher. I can update my status on Facebook. What more do I need to know?"
HA! His Facebook status probably says something like "I luv fridays :)"
....Does that even count as a punctuation? Oh, brother.
Facebook Stupidity
Today's complaint- Vague status updates.
Look, man, you want to tell us what's going on in your life? Cool, I'm a good listener-er, reader, I suppose. You tell me what's going on and I'll try to make you smile with a funny comment. But, let me tell you, those vague status updates like "What a horrible day" or "Can life get any better?" are obvious signs that you are an attention hog.
Those statuses are specifically designed to make people ask you about yourself. It's like sighing dramitically in a room full of people trying to ignore you! One of them is going to break down and ask you what's up. You want people to know what's going on? Tell 'em, straight up. Don't make me go out of my way to find out.
This has been another Facebook Stupidity.
Look, man, you want to tell us what's going on in your life? Cool, I'm a good listener-er, reader, I suppose. You tell me what's going on and I'll try to make you smile with a funny comment. But, let me tell you, those vague status updates like "What a horrible day" or "Can life get any better?" are obvious signs that you are an attention hog.
Those statuses are specifically designed to make people ask you about yourself. It's like sighing dramitically in a room full of people trying to ignore you! One of them is going to break down and ask you what's up. You want people to know what's going on? Tell 'em, straight up. Don't make me go out of my way to find out.
This has been another Facebook Stupidity.
Facebook Stupidity
A word to Facebookers everywhere. What you say stays forever. It is read by everyone you know. So, question. WHY DO YOU SAY SUCH STUPID THINGS?
One more thing, and this is a question to everyone, facebook or not. Why is it suddenly ok that no one has to spell a word correctly? It's called a dictionary. I'd tell you to look it up, but if you don't know what a dictionary is you probably don't know where to look it up.
One more thing, and this is a question to everyone, facebook or not. Why is it suddenly ok that no one has to spell a word correctly? It's called a dictionary. I'd tell you to look it up, but if you don't know what a dictionary is you probably don't know where to look it up.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Aloha
Hey, man. Thanks for reading my blog. You have too much spare time, too? Don't worry, we'll help each other out.
Here's the deal. In life, there are things that are simply idiotic. You know, those moment when you go, "What the heck just happened here?" You get me. I love those moments. ...As long as I'm not the one doing something stupid.
This blog is all about those moments. Irrefragable means unable to refute. No one can refute that life is idiotic. It's a truth. An irrefragable truth.
Anyway, thanks for reading my intro. I'm off to do...something else, I guess. New posts daily. It's a safe bet that most things on here will be related to Facebook since that's where the majority of people spend their lives.
Well, here we go.
Here's the deal. In life, there are things that are simply idiotic. You know, those moment when you go, "What the heck just happened here?" You get me. I love those moments. ...As long as I'm not the one doing something stupid.
This blog is all about those moments. Irrefragable means unable to refute. No one can refute that life is idiotic. It's a truth. An irrefragable truth.
Anyway, thanks for reading my intro. I'm off to do...something else, I guess. New posts daily. It's a safe bet that most things on here will be related to Facebook since that's where the majority of people spend their lives.
Well, here we go.
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